Happy Valentine’s Day.
Happy Galentine’s Day.
Happy SAD Day (Single Awareness Day)
I’ve heard all the different titles. I’ve celebrated each of them at different times in my life. And each one came with its fantastic moments and disappointments. Last year I talked about how Mister Ninja and I do Valentine’s Day (and how anyone can join in the tradition). But this year, I wanted to talk about the relationship side of things. Because I know that this day can be hard for a lot of people. So I wanted to share a little of my “single story.” Yes, I’m married, so “who am I to talk”? but before I was married, I was single. And everyone’s story can encourage in some way.
As a single girl I had high standards. I was PICK-Y, people. I knew exactly what I wanted in a husband and I didn’t want to settle for anything less.
What this meant was that I didn’t date much (if at all.) Either the guys asking me out were definite “no”s in my book or the guys that I thought I wanted to go out with just weren’t asking.
The years of “So, Nadine, are you dating anyone?” went by and I answered with “Nope” and then deflected their “Have you met my brother/son/nephew/friend?” People started asking, “Why not this guy?” (because he doesn’t value Jesus like I do.) and “What do you have against that guy?” (He laughed at the fact I wanted to be a writer.) and “Just say yes to a little date. It’s just a date.” (No, because I can already tell that he’s not for me and I’m going with my gut.)
Eventually, people stopped asking. And they started saying, “Don’t you think your standards are a teensy bit too high?” I started to feel like Ron at the Yule Ball.
“Get a move on, or all the good ones will have gone.”
I mean, a decent, polite guy who feared the Lord and who was fun and who had an adventurous heart…was that too much to ask? (Not to mention attractive and not a million years older than me. Because I’m picky like that. ?)
To be honest, I started to fear that maybe my standards/hopes were too high. I graduated high school without a boyfriend. But I was off to Biola University–a whole college filled with eligible guys. That was where husband was waiting. I just knew it.
Then I graduated.
I left college with a family of friends whom I loved (and still love) with all my heart. But no husband. I was okay with that–I didn’t go to college to get married. But, to be honest, I really thought that if I was going to find “my guy” anywhere, it would be there. And that didn’t happen. And a teensy twinge of panic set in (especially as everyone renewed their inquiries of, “You just need to stop being so picky. Maybe you’ll be surprised!”)
I wasn’t trying to be a stick-in-the-mud, but I knew that marriage was a big deal and I didn’t want something mediocre. And when I realized that maybe a guy didn’t exist who had the values, morals, and spirit that I desired in a guy…I realized I might be single forever.
And that was okay.
Young, happily single Nadine in motorcycle leather. Yup.
At first, that was a scary thought. Because I’d grown up reading all the romance novels and dreaming of How We’d Meet and All the Life Things Together. And it took some time for me to let go of those dreams and realize that there were other amazing paths that I could take as a single woman with God. New dreams that I hadn’t considered yet. Singleness was not “Plan B”. It wasn’t the path I took if “Plan Marriage” failed. It was just a different path–a different adventure–with just as much life and just as much fulfillment that requires an adjustment of mind.
I have several dear friends who are single who are doing incredible things for the world and for Christ. Theirs are some of my favorite stories and I think about how different those stories would be if they were married. And how they are able to minister in a way that a married person would not be able to.
Well…I didn’t stay single.
I wrote a post several years ago about how I met my husband, but in short, when I met Mister Ninja and married him all within a year, it was because he not only met all of my hopes and standards…but he exceeded them. And that wasn’t because of him, that was because of God. It was like God said, “The world claims you dream too big. But let Me show you how to really dream.”
Can we all agree that both Mister Ninja and I look like babies in this photo?
I share this post to encourage you to never stop dreaming. Don’t lower your standards or your hopes. Single or not, God will use you in amazing world-changing ways if you allow Him to. I know that is pretty close to sounding very Christianese, especially when I’m saying it on Valentine’s Day…but I was there. Part of my story is proof. My world-changing single friends are proof.
And this story is proof that, no matter how big you dream, God knows the desires of your heart and He will exceed them all when you keep Him as your ultimate reward. Keep seeking Him. Keep turning to Him as your fulfillment, even when it’s hard or it’s lonely.
There is joy and happiness–truly–to be found on both paths. 🙂
What’s your story?
What paths are you currently walking?
And how can I pray/praise for you?
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Nadine, this post was such an encouragement. Thank you for sharing your story, and ever-reminding us of God’s faithfulness and goodness, and not trying to take matters into our own hands too much because we think we’re desperate. This was just what I needed to read today! ❤️
I ditto Amanda’s comment! 😀 Thank you, Nadine.
Every year, my sister and I say this is probably the last time we’re celebrating Valentine’s Day as single ladies. Well, very year we’re wrong, and every year I inch closer to my thirties. Its discouraging, really. I start asking, “What’s wrong with ME?” and I start envying the other young ladies I know who get attention from eligible bachelors at church.
Its hard to keep at the forefront of my mind that God has me right where I am for a reason. I don’t have to go chase a Jesus-loving man down. God will unite us in His timing. Maybe I’m single because there’s something He needs to teach me right now. Or maybe future hubby lives in a different state and God is arranging a job transfer and a new apartment, etc. Who knows?!
But, unfortunately, patience has never been one of my strong suits. I continue to wait and try to use my single years to bring God glory. I truly believe that my heavenly Father didn’t give me this overwhelming desire to be a help-mete if He wasn’t going to fulfill it in His perfect timing.
I have to get to school; thanks again for the word of encouragement!
Oh friend, it’s so true that God has His timing. And that every moment spent in singleness is teaching you and growing you in a way that being in a relationship would not be able to.
It’s hard to be patient and I completely remember how patience (and impatience) tend to come in waves. I am praying for encouragement and reminders and peace every time it gets hard to wait. <3
<3 It's comments like these that fill my heart. I'm so glad this could be an encouragement and a good reminder. Proud of you, friend!
Wow. I definitely needed to hear this. I’m in college/high school. This is the time of my life where I thought that I would have a relationship with someone. But I don’t. And I’m trying to learn to be okay with that.
It’s a hard lesson–I’ve been there! And I’m praying for you as you navigate it. 🙂
I went and read your “how you met your husband” post. I didn’t know you were originally from Wy. My hubs is a Wyoming man – we even lived in Sheridan for 5 years when we first married. Then 7 in SD. This Florida girl loved Wy but SD not so much so I’m glad to be back in Fl, though my poor mister thinks the heat may kill him. 😉
Hello fellow Wyomingan!!!! Yay! Yes, I loved growing up there “in the wild” and sometimes I miss the big winters. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this! I got married this past summer to my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. We started dating at 17, but it was honestly not something I had been seeking out. I had actually planned on being single forever and was pretty content with that, haha! In my experience it seems the Christian men and women that are really fixated on finding “the One” are the people who take longer than those who are content with either course. It’s kind of funny how God tries to speak to us through these situations but we are often so caught up in wanting this imaginary relationship that we can’t see that we just need to let go. Great post!
Isn’t it funny how–once we learn to grow comfortable in His timing and His sustenance He surprises us with the desires of our hearts? 🙂 Thank you for sharing this story of yours!! And congrats on your recent marriage! Woohoo!!!
I REALLY needed to heart this. I’m still in high school, but officially at “the dating age”… and it’s really frustrating. I’m interested in a relationship, but I feel as if all the guys I meet are no where near my standards (sometimes, I’ve actually wondered if my standards are too high). Thank you so, SO much for this post, Nadine!! <3
You can’t out-dream God, my friend! 🙂 Keep those standards rooted in godly desires and continue to seek the Lord in all pursuits of relationship! Then you’ll be able to recognize His hand.
And it’s funny how we come to believe there’s a “dating age” right? I remember when i thought I was at the dating age and then I just didn’t like any of the guys around me. When I got older, I was glad I hadn’t forced any dates to happen because it was much more pleasant going out with someone mature. LOL!
Praying for God to direct your heart and to give you peace when it’s frustrating. <3
Thank you so much for sharing this, Nadine! I’m currently in my sophomore year in college, and I’ve never been on a date before at all, or even had a guy ask me out, and it can be really discouraging, especially when it seems like all of my friends are dating. I also have really high standards when it comes to dating! So this post was really encouraging for me. I love that you said that there are other amazing things that single women can do with God, and that’s something I try to live out every day. Thank you so much for this post! 😀 <3
I’m in much the same boat (college, never been asked out, etc.), and many of my friends are dating. Some are even married and expecting their first little one! It can be discouraging when you don’t even know anyone with “potential,” but thank you for the wonderful reminder, Nadine! You truly are a blessing!
Awww hugs friend. <3 I know that it can seem like there's no one out there for you, but God is molding and sharpening the man for you if that's your future. And even if it isn't, God will mold and shape you into contentedness with Him. One day at a time. Praying for you!
Oh I’m so glad this could be encouraging for you! <3 Don't lower those standards! God doesn't have anything less than an amazing story for you as long as you continue seeking Him. Stay strong, friend.
Wise and wonderful encouragement! As one who got married quite young (20) with not a lot of wisdom and yet, still, a desire for a marriage that was all that you described, I can say that the Lord works in our naivety as well, when we put Him first. 28 years later I’m still married to my best friend and, I must say, he has set the bar REALLY high for our daughters as they wade into the waters of singleness. Putting Christ first is truly the key, and He surely does give us the desires of our heart–and that verse was actually what my husband had engraved inside my wedding ring…which I lost the day after our 15 year anniversary 🙁
“Putting Christ first is truly the key” <---- YES! And what a testament to His faithfulness that you have been married 28 years! Wow! But I'm so sad to hear about your wedding ring!!! 🙁 🙁 🙁
Wow…I really needed to read this, Nadine. Thank you so much for sharing and being an encouragement. The things you described in the first few paragraphs are things I’m currently going through myself, so thanks for sharing your story!
Aww my pleasure and I’m so glad they could be an encouragement to you. <3
Love love love this Nadine! And so true! God’s timing (and plans) are ALWAYS best!
AMEN SISTER!
This is beautiful, Nadine! Thank you for sharing. <3
Happy Valentine's Day! May your day be filled with God's beautiful love, joy, and peace!
Much love,
Shantelle Mary
Aww thank you, Shantelle!!!
This is so encouraging and inspiring. It’s not too ‘crazy’ to have high expectations, and God so completely has our stories in his hands.
Yes He does!!! <3
So there’s a reason you’re one of my favorite people. Thank you for this beautiful post.
Awww. <3 <3 <3 Thank you for seeing my heart, friend.
I’ve been stalking your blog for ages now and loving it, but this might be my first comment!
Thanksso much for this post. It meant a lot to me as a single girl at the age where my friends are all getting into relationships. I’ve struggled a lot lately with being content, especially now that my best friend has the most amazing, God-fearing young man for a boyfriend, and I wonder if there’s any young man out there for me. It has been my aim to be content and joyful in all the situations God places me in, but its not easy. Thanks for writing this and being an amazing encourager 🙂
Aww welcome, Chelsea!!
That struggle for contentedness can be a daily struggle. It’s important to remember that. Because we can tend to think that we should just be able to be content all the time. But the key is to know how to turn to Christ in those times of discontent.
I pray patience, perseverance, and growth over you, friend! And thanks for venturing out and commenting. I love connecting (even if it takes me a couple weeks to get to some of the comments. ?)
“And when I realized that maybe a guy didn’t exist who had the values, morals, and spirit that I desired in a guy…I realized I might be single forever.
And that was okay.”
This is my story right now. Thank you for your wisdom and encouragement, Nadine!
Aww what a wonderful heart you have, friend. <3 I'm glad you were able to be encouraged. Also, can't wait to see you at Realm Makerrrrrs!
I sometime feel that I haven’t had a chance to be picky. But maybe it’s more that my pickiness about who I associate with has kept me away from unwanted attention.
I’m in a place right now where I know I want to get married, feel that I’m old enough, yet I’m also kind of scared of things changing. Life is pretty easy right now. My days are too full for me to mope over not being noticed. Not too full for me to dream though.
I know I’m still young, I know people younger than me who are married, I know girls older who are single. I know (though not so well) single young men with signs of good character.Most of all I know a God who is in control and will bring what is best for me.
I love how, even in this comment, it seems so clear that God is your focus. And that you’re still living life to the fullest. God knows your dreams and He sees them. And He will address those in His perfect way. Praying for continued perseverance and peace. <3
This is very encouraging! So many people made me feel like half the point of going to college was to “find a guy.” Well, now I’m not going to a Christian college and I’m really not expecting to “find a guy” here, and although I’m okay with that for now, it does make me wonder “Well…where am I going to find someone, then?” But God knows what he’s doing. I’m SO grateful for that. 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing!
God definitely knows what He’s doing! I used to feel like there would be NO OPTIONS outside of college, but there are so many places to meet godly people your age.
I’m so glad you’re encouraged, Amanda!!
I just wanted to say, thank you for sharing this, Nadine. I’ve been graduated from college for going on three years and never been on a date. I honestly don’t even know men IRL and don’t see myself being in a relationship much less married in the next five years unless God moves in a big way in my life and majorly surprises me. Sometimes I’m okay with that thought because I admit there’s some personal stuff I need to work on before I feel I’ll be ready for a relationship. Other times it upsets me a lot because I do want to be married someday and I get lonely and sad and frustrated at having to wait longer than what society wants to say is “normal”. It’s posts like this that help me see that I’m not alone, remind me to lean on God, keeping my hope in Him above all else, and encourage me to maintain rather than compromise my standards. So, again, thank you for posting this.
God definitely knows what we can handle and when we can handle it. But I know that it can be so hard to tune out the voices of the world that always seems to try to give its advice, whether it’s welcome or not.
I’m so glad this post could help you and I’m praying for your process as God draws you closer and closer to Him. <3