The first fifteen years of your life are spent in blissful ignorance. All you have to do is grow up, do the homework, go adventuring, navigate friendships and awkward crushes and different sports.But then…you hit junior year of high school and it happens. For the lucky ones, it doesn’t happen until senior year of high school. But I can guarantee that….IT. WILL. HAPPEN.
The question.
“So, what are you going to do once you graduate?”
And the answer is…
The first time I was asked that question, I was thrown back to that moment when I “graduated” from pre-school and they asked me “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I didn’t even know you could BE things other than yourself. So I said “A mommy” because that sounded right. But then the kid after me said “A mermaid” and I felt so deceived because no one told me I could have chosen mermaid! (To be honest, if I would have known that fantasy creatures were even an option, I would have gone with dragon. Because duh.)
Smol Nadine as a dragon.
Aaaaaanyway. The question hits you like a wrecking ball. And suddenly everyone’s asking it. All the time. Usually followed by things like, “Have you looked at college?” and if you say yes then they ask “What are you going to study?” and if you have an answer to that they ask, “What do you want to do with that?” and finally you just start screaming and running away back to your bookshelf, trying to climb into a fantasy world.
Quick disclaimer: Yes, as a teen, this question drove me crazy. Now as a non-teen, I see how hard it is to not ask other people those questions. Sometimes I still ask them and then I want to smack myself on the forehead because I REMEMBER. So just to clear the air…I’m not saying it’s wrong to ask those questions. I’m simply curious…when did we start expecting everyone to have their lives figured out or planned out?
Once this question starts, IT NEVER SEEMS TO STOP. It goes from “What are you doing once you graduate?” to “What college are you going to?” to “When are you getting married?” (And I’m like, “Oh. Right. Let me just go fetch that perfect guy I had hiding in my closet and marry him real quick.) And then if you do get married, then it’s “When are you having kids?” And since I’m not past that question yet, I’m not sure what the follow-up question is (“When are you retiring?” maybe?)
But when those questions started, every time I gave an answer it was just speculation. Because, contrary to popular belief, I can’t see the future. And even when I guessed, my life didn’t turn out anything like the one I spouted to people who asked “What are your life plans?”
NADINE BEFORE COLLEGE: “I’m going to become a speech therapist and work in Scotland with all the little kids who need speech therapy.” Because Scotland is cool and I had no idea what I was doing.
Tiny High Schooler Nadine who has no idea what to do with her life. 😛
NADINE IN THE MIDDLE OF COLLEGE: “Um…I’m going to maybe pass my classes and if I do I think I want to work in hospitals with adults who need speech therapy…?” When really I was spending way more time at Disneyland than doing homework.
Awkward early-college Nadine deciding to live at Disneyland as a ghost.
NADINE NOW, LOOKING BACK: “I’m going to get my Master’s Degree in speech therapy–which I will never use–and then get married to an awesome guy and become an author of Young Adult fiction.”
Some of my favorite times of life were when I didn’t have an answer. I hadn’t created an answer that might sound reasonable (because abandoning a well-paying profession like speech therapy to become an author so I could collect pennies didn’t make sense to ANYONE.)
I understand that some people are planners. But there’s beauty in not having a plan. There’s flexibility in not having a plan. When our slate is blank, there’s more room for God to write on it.
The times in my life when I didn’t know the “what’s next” are when God took me on some of the grandest adventures. And now, when hubby and I are looking at the future and there’s no clear direction, we get excited. Because we know that’s where the adventures are brewing…in the unknown.
What I’m not saying.
- I’m not saying it’s wrong to ask “What are your plans?”
- I’m not saying it’s wrong to plan.
- I’m not saying it’s wrong not to plan.
All I’m saying is…we have no control over the future…but we do have control over how we approach it.
So, to all my high schoolers and college students and single friends and married friends and friends with kids and friends without kids… People will keep asking you about your plans and your future. And when they do, know that it’s out of kindness and a desire to be part of your life.
But that doesn’t mean that you have to have everything planned out. “I don’t know” can be one of the bravest things to admit. So no matter what your plans or non-plans are, keep dreaming. And I hope you remain open to letting God take you on a different roller coaster than what you planned or thought you’d planned. You might just find yourself in a new world of wild adventure.
How do you approach those questions?
Do you like to plan for the future or leave it open? Or both?
..
I love this! Thank you for sharing.
Aww my pleasure! Thank you for reading it, Ashley! And I hope it encourages you. 🙂
ThankyouThankyou THANK YOU for this, Nadine!! As a teen author who is ALSO a high school senior, I get this question waaaaay too often. It weighs on me and…wow. This post was SOOO encouraging!! And also eerily similar to one of the first blog posts I ever wrote… XD
Great minds and all that ?
Yaaaaay! I’m so glad it was encouraging! The question can feel huge, especially when asked from someone further down the road than you, because I always felt like, “Wait…was I supposed to have an answer to this? No one told me I needed an answer for this!”
Breathe easily, my friend. Your story is waiting, filled with all the twists and turns and beautiful adventures. He will direct your path. <3
I loved your perspective of having a blank slate so there’s more room for God to write on it! That’s good advice at any age and reminded me of Proverbs 16:9 “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” Our youngest son is now a high school junior and I’ve been biting my nails as he continues to be aimless about his future. I really needed this reminder!!! God will direct his path. If he’s not ready to decide which college or degree path he wants … maybe that’s a good thing. <3 I'll just be thankful for his straight A's and sit back and watch how God's plan unfolds 🙂
Oh yes, I love that verse!
I’m so glad this post could be an encouragement and I am praying for God’s direction in your son’s life, and for peace in yours. 🙂
Love this Nadine! You’re so inspiring. I’m still definitely at the stage in life where I would happily live at the Haunted Mansion although… ?
I’m basically always in the mood to live there–or at least Disneyland. 😉
I love this!! I’m on college right now, and I should have graduated last year, but I started late and was only part-time for a while, and I’m constantly being asked when I’ll graduate and what are my plans, and honestly, I don’t really know! Thank you for writing this post, because it really did make me feel better. ☺️?
You don’t have to know! And I’m glad this post was able to set you at ease a bit. 🙂 I am praying for the peace of mind to be able to follow God one day at a time, despite everyone asking about your plans. 🙂
This is an awesome post and a great perspective. Ever since I was five years old, I’ve been, like, “I must know what I’m doing with my life!” No joke. I drive me crazy and I KNOW I must drive my parents crazy.
Now, as a sophomore in high school, I love/don’t love getting that question “What are you going to do?” but I more or less have an answer.
My dream is to write and edit in the indie-publishing field, but also to pursue my love of the farm life. I wouldn’t trade getting up in the morning and milking goats for anything in the world!
Thanks, Nadine, for the reminder that God’s got tomorrow. I’m just here to work with today. 🙂 (And so sorry if I rambled on too long.)
I love your big dreams and I think it’s still so good to dream about the future and have hopes and pursuits. But it seems like you’re at a really good middle ground. 🙂 Also…can I come live on the farm for a while? I want to milk goats!!
I so needed this right now! I start a great job in three weeks and definitely seem like I have my life together. But even though my life path is currently “successful,” I don’t know if that’s what God has for me for more than a year! And I’m so okay with that because life gets to be an adventure when He’s calling the shots.
“When our slate is blank, there’s more room for God to write on it.” <— new mantra
Praying for you as you approach that new job! <3
I really needed to hear this, thanks. 🙂
Aww I’m glad it could encourage you. <3
This is amazing! And it’s something I need to hear right now. I’m taking classes at the community college full time, and have heard the questions “What’s your major?” and “What career do you want to pursue?” so. many. times. I have no idea what I want to do, and if I did, I have no idea what I want to do in college after I get my associate’s. I can’t tell the future, so right now, all I hope is that I will live it well, whatever that means.
I’m so glad this could encourage you. I got that question so often in college. *sigh* I’m praying wisdom and peace over your day-to-day. 🙂
THIS. I needed to hear this so much. Thank youuuu, Nadine! *bear-hugs* <3
*returns the bear hug* 😉
This is so encouraging. I’m looking at colleges right now, and I keep feeling so overwhelmed with choices and “if you don’t pick right now you’ll have a miserable future.” Yikes. So this post is really what I needed right now. Thank you, Nadine <3
Aww I’m glad it could be an encouragement. The college application can be very overwhelming. But know that, as long as you’re seeking Him, your future will NOT be miserable. He’ll help direct you–whether that means college or something else! (Sorry if that all sounds cheesy. I’m saying it from the bottom of my heart!)
ah, those pics of you!❤❤❤ I started getting the “What are you gonna do after you graduate?” question in tenth grade. some people don’t like my answer, ’cause it’s different than most: I’m homeschooled, I’m not going off to college. Instead I’m staying home, preparing to me a wife and mother, and working with my family in the family business. People give me odd looks for that. ?
I actually really love that answer. <3 There is NOTHING wrong with that. You know your passions and you're pursuing them despite the odd looks. Bravo!
Thank you so much for this post! These questions have started to show up a lot in my life. I keep thinking I have the answer, but I honestly have no clue that what I’m planning is even going to happen. It’s good to remember that God works on clean slates, not completely-full slates 😛
He works on the completely-full slates, too…but that often means we have to deal with letting our plans go. 😉
But I’m glad it could be a reminder to rest in Him and let Him orchestrate the future. 🙂
As a senior in high school, I felt this on a SPRITIUAL level. It’s definitely confusing when your friends seem to know what they want to do and have a rock-solid plan and you’re still trying to craft your “plan” for the future. I’ve wanted to be an author for as long as I can remember, but I’m planning on studying forensic psychology. It’s weird that I’m secretly hoping I won’t use that degree (except to help my writing). Haven’t quite figured out how to explain this to people haha. Thank you for writing this post! Such perfect timing 🙂
(ALSO: I CANNOT WAIT FOR FAWKES!!!!!)
Have a lovely day 🙂
Ha! It can be hard for people to understand MULTIPLE passions. Writing and forensic psychology for example. 😉 I actually love that you’re majoring in something other than writing because that can grow your writing so much in so many unique ways! And everything you study will go into your writing toolbox!
Thank you for this. And it was fun to get little peeks into your past. ^_^
I’ve been having fun sharing bits and pieces of my past. This might become a habit. 😛
Yes, this is beautiful! I really needed this reminder; thank you, Nadine! ^_^
Awww *hugs* friend!
After the “when are you having kids?” comes “when are you having another?” and after 3-4, it becomes “are you done yet?” or “what school are they going to?” 😉
Oh goodness. Will it never end?! 😉 Thanks for the heads up.
Good points!! I still don’t know! ?
Right now, I’m going through a midlife crisis. ?
Awww 😛 I think it’s good to always keep dreaming and pursuing new passions and exploring life no matter how old we are! (And I know you agree.)
Oh Nadine thank you so much for posting this. I needed to read it. I’m a senior in highschool and yes, it really has hit me this past year that “oh crap I’ve gotta do something with my life.” One really does live in blissful ignorance until the age of senior in highschool.
But anyway, thank you. I’m currently trying to make the jump on whether or not to go to college. Anything I’m interested in doesn’t “require” a degree to do, even if it would be challenging and fun to go… but college is $$$… so here I am… hah…. ?
Oh friend I know how weighty that can be on the mind. <3 I'm praying for you--for wisdom and direction and peace in whatever you decide! The nice thing is...college is always there if you DO decide. Yes, the world might say "You have to do this right after high school" but actually...no. There's no ticking clock with college. You can go at any time in life. 🙂 (Or not go at all and that's fine, too!)
I was literally just thinking about this today. That if I’d told my high school self that I would one day graduate college with a BS in Biology, my high school self would have laughed SO hard at me. And if I’d told her that after college I’d have kids, and then end up homeschooing them, I think she’d be calling the cops. And then, if I told her I’d be writing books, she’d have called a doctor. Even telling her I paint now would get at least a raised eyebrow because I was such a pencil/charcoal artist back then who hated painting.
And yes, it drove me nuts when people asked me what I wanted to be. My answer was usually something along the lines of “starving artist.” Which, while I’m not starving because I have an awesome husband, I am definitely in the category of “struggling to make it as a writer and artist.” Which, of course, would make my high school self nod and say, “Well, duh. You won’t get famous until you’re dead.”
Now I have two homeschooled teens, one about to graduate, and he has zero idea what he wants to do. My younger one says she wants to be a cosmetologist (she is so artsy!), but I know just how much can change in the next few years. So, right now, it’s just prayers that they get it all figured out, and my husband and I trying to be supportive without pressuring them too much.
PS, I love knowing that we share in common the fact that we never actually used our college degrees as we’d intended.
Those questions… *shudders* You’ve no idea how much I used to dread them. I would actually avoid family gatherings just because of how much I HATED those questions.
For four years I was striving for a creative career and felt like I was walking circles in a desert, digging myself deeper. I stressed SO MUCH about having to get myself SOMEWHERE. Anywhere… But now, I see how God was leading all along- and in a direction I never would’ve guessed. Though those years of trying too hard were rough, I see how my faith and resting in Christ grew. I see how it broke me for Him to use… It made me desperate for HIM and then when He came with an invitation, I was so willing to say YES. To go with Him, wherever He might take me.
Now, 26 years old, where I’m headed is even less certain. I know a step or two forward, steps God has shown me, but beyond that… It’s more unknown than it’s ever been. I’m super anxious about stepping into new things (pray for me, please?) but I’m also so at PEACE about it being the right direction. I’m at peace being on His path and knowing that He is my guiding Shepherd.
Now those questions that people ask… Sometimes I feel uncertain about how to answer them, but I see the asker’s caring/curiosity. (Like you mentioned. ^^)
More important than that- I’m not bashing or beating myself up about them. Those questions were so difficult because they were the very thing I feared and wanted to figure out the answers to, but hadn’t yet. However, I’m beginning to understand how I DON’T HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF. I just have to seek God, to try my best with what’s before me, to be open to what He might bring, to lean on and surrender to Him in each moment. It’s hard haha… But I believe that what He can do with my days is so much better (holds more Good) than anything I could do with my own life.
Thanks for sharing, Nadine! You’re always such an open encouragement. ♡
“Oh. Right. Let me just go fetch that perfect guy I had hiding in my closet and marry him real quick.”
Eheh. xD I should start saying that…
If you want to make God laugh make plans.
Nadine, thank you for this. My daughter adored you and this is a great read for her and so many others. She started getting that question early in High school and it drove her crazy. We reminded her that people just want to engage with her and be friendly and that it is ok not to have firm details of her future ironed out….most don’t but God does. 🙂