Several years ago, I was listening to the radio station and the host of the hour said that instead of New Year’s resolutions she liked to pick a word. A word to dwell on or define her year.
I thought that was kind of cool. I mean, I like words. ?
At that time in my life, I was struggling with belief. I had a hard time trusting that God could actually do the things He said He could–like heal deep wounds, or give me an amazing future, or “be found” if I truly sought Him. I finally realized that I had to choose whether or not I was going to believe Him. Because that would change how I lived.
So I chose the word “believe.”
And, as you may have expected, God had a lot of fun with that. He started sneaking that word everywhere. On signs, in books, in every Scripture I read, in conversations. Thus began my multi-year journey exploring the word “believe.” But not just that, exploring what it meant to believe God.
To believe He loves me.
To believe He’s real.
To believe He truly forgives.
To believe He is a loving Father.
I gave God a chance, and He donned His cleats, spit in His hands, stepped up to the plate, and hit a homer. Again. And again. And again.
He showed me He loves me.
He showed me through answered prayers, through Scripture, and through amazing moments that He’s real.
He showed me through heart-freedom that He truly forgives.
He showed me through the love my own father, my husband, and my friends that He is a loving Father.
I realized through that “believe” challenge–when I told God I’d believe and He made sure I knew it was worth it–that God wants to show us He’s there. He wants to prove Himself to us. But we need to choose to believe first. Because think of the friend who tells you, “Wow, your hair looks great!” or “Wow, your writing is awesome!” and you don’t believe them. You think they’re “just saying that” or “being nice” or just flat-out lying. How must God feel when we say, “Hey! Show Yourself to me!” so He does and we don’t believe Him or don’t believe it was His hand.
(I hope this isn’t getting too preachy. It’s just part of my story. 🙂 )
Believe has remained my word ever since that season. And even though those first years were victorious, I realized how deep my doubt actually went. It wasn’t just about God. It was about everyone. My knee-jerk response is to doubt. If a friend says she likes my gift (she’s just saying that to be nice), when hubby says I’m beautiful (he’s feels like he has to say that), when a reader says my book changed her life (but did it really?), when a friend says she loves hanging out (she’s just saying that to make me feel better. Really, she hates it.)
Just typing it out makes me laugh. It’s so ridiculous! Why won’t I believe people? Why is doubt the first thought that pops in my mind?
So this 2016, I started a new practice. When the compliment came and the doubt responded in my mind, I stopped what I was doing and set it aside in my mind instead choosing to believe.
Believing is a choice. And it will change you. (Tweet this.) I learned that when I went through it with God. Once you choose to believe, your mindset about certain things will shift. I have to remind myself daily to believe. (And by remind I mean full on battle my own brain.) But each time I do, a mini burden flies off my shoulder. It leaves me free to go about my day encouraged instead. It allows me to hope. It releases a tiny puff of shalom into that day.
Choosing to believe not only changes my life, but it blesses the people I used to doubt, whether they knew it or not. Because suddenly I’m viewing them in the light they ought to be viewed in. I am viewing them as genuine–as though they mean what they say. I am trusting them. I am being a true friend, the way I’d hope they would view me.
Wouldn’t you rather live assuming people mean what they say rather than assuming they are all liars? I know I would. I lived the latter for far too long, and it made me into a self-conscious, doubting, insecure person.
Choosing to believe allows me to be encouraged, to see the beautiful things and the beautiful people. And if I’m wrong and someone didn’t mean the kind thing they said…? Then I’ll probably still never know. 😛 And I’m sad for them, because it’s just as unpleasant being the liar as it is being the doubter. (Trust me, I’ve been on both sides.)
So that’s a glimpse into Nadine’s brain for the day. 😉 I always think back on what the word “believe” has done in my life at this time of year. Who knew a single word could be so powerful?
Do you have a hard time believing?
What word would you choose for 2017?
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Nadine, thank you. This post made me cry. I have never, ever, ever had trouble believing. In fact, it’s always been easy for me. I see most people as genuine, and God has revealed himself to me in big ways since I was a child. So, believing has always been easy. Until now. Now it is so hard, and a daily struggle. And this post was such an encouragement, so thank you.
Oh my sweet friend. <3 I'm so glad this was an encouragement to you and please know I've been praying for you and will continue to pray for you! I understand the struggle!
Belief is something I think I’ve always struggled with. Head knowledge is not heart knowledge, after all. God is slowly, lovingly dragging me out of that particular pit as time goes on. 🙂
My word for the year is hope. Specifically, the Hebrew word that means to wait expectantly on the Lord.
I love that your word is “hope”. That word has been following me around this year. What a beautiful definition.
I’ve actually been doing the ‘pick a word of the year’ thing for two years. (this year I had three, because I couldn’t choose.)
My words for 2017 (yeah, I have three again) are encourage, celebrate, and community.
Woohoo! Who said you can only pick one? 😉 Love your choices!
Wow … this hit a heart chord.
I struggle with doubting people A LOT. Every time someone compliments my writing or thanks me for hanging out [ the same examples you gave ] I truly think they’re just being nice. And while I WANT to believe them, I’m being unfair to them and refusing to believe the complement. They’re JUST nice people.
In the last couple weeks I also realized something for the first time. My trust in God and BELIEF in some of His promises only went so far. I’ve feared for SO long that horrible things awaited me down the road. To condense a long story, it was as if, without realizing it, I believed God was setting me up for failure and plotting to destroy me. It sounds HORRID! But there it was, hidden in the background….until He shined a flashlight beam on it and revealed the flaw in my thought pattern.
It’s as if a weight has been lifted. God is working on how I see Him and giving me a right view of Him. I’ll be learning for the rest of my life, yes, but these past few weeks have been refreshing beyond description. He is a good God, who loves me more than I ever before realized, and He cares about my future.
Thank you for the blog and for letting me share this joy! 🙂
So often have I had similar thoughts! You’re not alone, Anna! I often felt that, if things were going too well that means something horrible awaited in my future. I’m so glad the weight has been lifted for you and that God is renewing your view of Him. <3 Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story! I think we all struggle with believing here and there. I haven’t yet decided what my word will be for 2017. Last year it was the phrase Praise Him. The year before that thrive. So still contemplating what lesson I want to learn for the new year.
I can’t wait to hear what it is! I love that “Praise Him” was your choice for last year. A great reminder. *writes that one down*
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My word is excellence. It follows perseverance and diligence as my last two words of the year. I see it as a progression.